How to Become Better at Dating

Photo by Ed Robertson on Unsplash

Everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end yet.

Oscar Wilde

Someone recently asked me how I met my significant other. I said that we met at an art museum close to where I live on New Year’s Eve. In March, he asked to take me out to a restaurant on my birthday, and we’ve been going out since.

The actual story of how I met my significant other, the long, factual, and chronological one where nobody has time for, is a more hopeful one. 

The truth is, I have had so many tragic and mundane dates. I have ghosted people and have people ghosting me. I have tried many dating apps, gone on blind dates, and still came out empty handed. I had also wondered whether I would end up dying alone (which later on I realized that nobody dies with anyone). 

Learning how to date as an adult was hard. Meeting new people is exhausting and scary. I have tried many methods and my efforts seemed futile. 

I have tried to methodically plan out my dating goals: 2 dates per month. Then I found that it is hard to control this experiment as guys usually ask girls out on dates and not the other way around. So I changed my dating strategy to: talk to 2 new guys a month. 

I have tried deleting all dating apps and going out to meet strangers at bars, meetups, gyms. 

I wouldn’t have known if any of these methods would work. They could have all worked for me. 

We never know where and when we are going to meet a person we can fall in love with. We can all tell a rom-com story of how we meet our significant others afterwards. But the truth is there is no formula or shortcuts. We have to increase the number of new people we meet, increase the depth of which we will know them

In the meantime, there are many things we can do instead of sitting around contemplating on dating.

  • Try running as fast as you can with your favorite jam, 
  • Play a new instrument, 
  • Do something that scares you (maybe with instructions), 
  • Book the cheapest flight on a weekend and explore a new city, 
  • Learn how to create a website in a coffee shop,
  • Bake shortbread cookies and draw funny faces on them with colored icing,

Improve yourself, because when we find a person to fall in love with, we will want to be the best version of ourselves. 

Now that you have interesting stories to tell from all the things you have tried, go to that next meetup event, meet the next person you find attractive and ask him/her questions, talk to a stranger at the coffee house, be weird and be you